The Axis Blog
by Rantzilla
Summary: In a school where no sense makes perfect sense, left is right, up is down- or maybe I am just starting to think like Mr. Jones? Oh bollocks... A blog written in England's PoV, our version of Gakuen Hetalia. Kinda. USUK, SuFin, DenNor, FraCan, etc. AU.
1. Brit Blog 1

**Summary: In a school where no sense makes perfect sense, left is right, up is down- or maybe I am just starting to think like Mr. Jones? Oh bollocks... A blog written in England's PoV, our version of Gakuen Hetalia.**

Suffer through this chapter of boring, I'm counting on you, soldier.**

* * *

**

**The AXIS Blog**

**The Brains and Brawn of a Brilliant British Bloke**

**Blog 1**

_Week 1; Day 0_

All right, how do you work this blasted contraption? Oh, and Mr. Jones, if that alliteration-filled eyesore of a sentence is supposed to be the _title_ of this delightful- what did you call it? bog? smog? log?- _thing _then I am guessing this is an unofficial record of information, and that it is safe to assume this will be posted nowhere except this spider web sight. ..Additionally, though I loathe to admit, I do commend you on the word choice in the title, it is quite flattering- even though I am well aware that you are lying through your teeth, or keyboard, as it is.

As you should know, Mr. Jones, (though you were absent to the meeting yesterday... why, exactly?) school re-opens its wonderful doors tomorrow to the eager students wishing to learn and prepare themselves for college. Although this may sound typical to every other person reading this blog, well, they do not know our school.

For those of you who don't regular at AXIS, we are not what you call a run-of-the-mill school. Sure, we have some semblance of normalcy, however most of the time we are just here to teach, be taught, have fun, and live in the moment- no matter what. Though I should not really use these reasons as an excuse for all of the odd relationships blooming within the corridors of our dormitories- you see, this is an all boys' school.

Now... Mr. Jones told me I am supposed to talk about myself in this... _thing _but I think it would be much more amusing for both you and I if I was to write about the goings-on in this insane excuse for a school instead- plus I do not like telling people about myself, much less strangers. However, please do not think that this is gossip- I plan on asking each student's permission when I wish to include them in of these _things _because it is not a dream of mine to hurt people's feelings unconsciously.

This is a school where no sense makes perfect sense, up is down, left is right- or maybe I am just starting to think like Mr. Jones? Oh _bollocks... _In any case, this school is strange in every sense of the word, and I want to write all these memories down for my future self to reflect on when I go senile (even if Mr. Jones has already convinced himself I that I already _am _growing senile) and I am alone with my stacks of read and re-read books with nothing better to do then to reminisce fondly about the 'good old days.'

Students- if you happen by this blog, I don't know what you do on the spider web, do your best this year and remember that school starts tomorrow and Back to School night is next Thursday. Enjoy your last day of summer.

_**Comments:**_

Alfred F. Jones said:

HEy! You actually got it to work! Awsom3!  
But u know that it's called the internet, rite. Nobody calls it the WEB anymore! And you got it confuzed with a spider! LOL  
btw, LOL means laugh out loud. it's what you say when some1 says something you laugh at. You should learn some chatsp33k, fyi.  
Also, y r u making your blog about SCHOOL? that's so boring! make it about urself or ur cat! people on the internet love cats! We call them LOLCATs here  
I CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER? INVISIBLE BIKE LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG CAT IS LOOOOOOOOONG  
alsoa, don't click on any suspicious links people send u. they might be bugs (not spiders) or really gross things! SERIOUSLY DON'T DO IT  
Make ur blog more interesting next time! kthnxbai 8)

Arthur Kirkland said:

...May I politely request that you speak using the English language? I hardly understood a word of what you just typed, Mr. Jones, and it is horribly unfitting for a teacher to be utiling such a horrendous form of English.

I hope I did this bloody comment thing correctly... the spider web is so confusing.

Arthur Kirkland said:

My apologies, I had a spelling error in the previous comment. Utilizing was the correct word, I implore you to kindly overlook the brief slip-up.

Wang Yao said:

"SEND THIS LETTER TO 28 FRIENDS OR SHINATTY WILL BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY."

Gilbert said if I don't send this around it will happen, aru! He said it happened before with another one! Help aru! ;-;

Arthur Kirkland said:

...I believe that albino barbarian lied to you, Mr. Yao, calm down.

Alfred F. Jones said:

LOLWTF YAO YOU NUB  
u know thats fake, right?  
gilbert's an ass, he says things like that all time. he told me that there was a petition to close down all mcdonalds of the world if i didn't send a letter to every1 on my friend's list, but IT WAS A LIE  
IT WAS A FAKE AND HE LIED TO ME. HES WHAT YOU CALL AN INTERNET TROLL. I HATE THAT HE TRIED TRICKING ME LIKE THAT

at british

srry for the late reply, i got like OVER NINE THOUSAND!one111! friend requests on facebook and it takes a long tiem to go thru dem all  
LOLWTF u spelled utilizing wrong!  
NOW who is the one who cant use english? IT IS YOU! LOLOMGWTF  
an didn't i say its not SPIDER WEB, just internet  
put your glasses on gramps!  
ALFRED FREEDOM JONES, OVER AND OUT

Arthur Kirkland said:

I honestly doubt that over nine thousand people like you enough to request to be your friend on this book of face... in fact, I doubt nine people like you enough.

I do believe I corrected my own error, Mr. Jones, and I know for a fact that 'lolomgwtf' is not a word in the English language.

I apologize for not being able to read your first comment without my eyes bleeding and my hope for humanity dwindling even more. ...Thank you, though, for clarifying- somehow, spider web didn't sound quite right to me.

I'll have you know my eyesight is perfect!

Doesn't the F. stand for Frederick?

Peter Kirkland said:

I'm so excited for my first year of high school! I can't wait to see what it's going to be like!  
I hope Raivis is in all of my classes! And I hope they have yummy food in the cafeteria!  
Do you think they have dessert, too? I really hope so! Chocolate cake!  
I know I'm going to love all my classes (except yours) and I'll probably make more friends my age that wont ignore me like (you) all the adults do!  
My Freshman year of high school will just be ever so wonderful!

Regards, Peter

Alfred F. Jones said:

u still spelled it wrong, so it still counts!  
omg is short for oh my god. Those are English words! an wtf is for what the f*ck, and those are english words, too!  
i know my own language THANK YOU mr british tea pants  
no it stands for FREEDOM. who told you that? thats just stupid. frederick is stupid.  
are u sure ur not mistaking my name for gilberts old man crush, cuz that's gross u perv  
U should also get a facebook so i can poke you and u can help me with my farmville and msuic pets! :D  
It's really fun!

Arthur Kirkland said:

Do not even get me started on all of the spelling errors you have made in the few comments you have posted- you are lucky though, I neither have the time nor the patience to point them all out to you (even though they should be painfully obvious).

Oh, right, the atrocious acronyms that all the kids nowadays use because they are too lazy to type out the actual word. My apologies, my senility seems to be acting up, I completely forgot that our population is becoming more and more idiotic as time progresses (by the way, that 'wtf' acronym is highly inappropriate, Mr. Jones).

...They're knickers, not pants.

Don't even bring up Gilbert's affection for that man, it still disturbs me.

Finally- no. Just no.

Wang Yao said:

Alfred and Arthur;  
A-are you sure? Shinatty won't really burn, aru? ;-; Why would he lie like that aru!

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

HEY! OLD FRITZ IS AWESOME AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!

Also uh...it was a joke Yao. Seriously. No need to get so upset over it.

Arthur Kirkland said:

Wait a bloody minute... how did all of these people get this website address?

Alfred F. Jones said:

OH! didnt i tell you!  
i totally posted the link to ur blog on all my accounts!  
my facebook, mylivejournal, my myspace, twitter, tumblr, and uh, some more but I cant remember them right now  
I even set it as my status message on all three of my messangers!LOL  
every1 in skool (i spell it skool now to be cool) knows about ur boring blog! yeah!

Arthur Kirkland said:

...All right, but the next time you lock your keys in the car, or get your fingers stuck in one of those Chinese finger traps (although that was very amusing, Mr. Yao), or when you get your hand stuck in a coffee pot again, or if you start up your marker-sniffing habit again- I will remember this, and I will inform Mr. Braginski about whatever unfortunate predicament has befallen you and hopefully he will make it worse.

No, he will definitely make it worse.

Good night, Mr. Jones, see you in school tomorrow- and sweet dreams.

* * *

**ALOON: **

HELLO, Rant-Rant here with a few special notes to end our first chapter! Yes, our. I'm doing a collab with two friends of mine! Joey and Naomi! Woo!

Alright, so any dialogue by Arthur is me (including the blog itself), Naomi did Yao and Gilbert, Joey did Alfred and Peter.

HOPEFULLY all of Alfred's L33T speak transferred correctly, since I don't feel like going back to fix it.

We already have a second chapter written, I'll post it on Tuesday. Why Tuesday? Because I can.

Uh, I actually did spell 'utilizing' wrong in the e-mail. We all had a good laugh at that. And I was the one who came up with China's chain e-mail thing, she came up with the idea that the old man would fall for it though.

I think it's funny how everyone ignored Peter. Actually... It's kind of ironic.

Rant-Rant OUT!

**JOEY'S DERPS AND HERPS:**

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY FAIL.

(Rant says: SEPPUKU NOW.)


	2. Brit Blog 2

YAY ALERTS. I'm surprised anyone read it, really, it's just for me and Joey's entertainment. xD

**The AXIS Blog**

**The Brains and Brawn of a Brilliant British Bloke**

**Blog 2**

_Week 1; Day 1_

Hello again, readers, Arthur Kirkland here- or Mr. Kirkland to whatever students read this blog. We have just concluded the first day of school! Isn't it thrilling to be back in school again? There is never a dull moment (especially with Mr. Jones as my neighbor) and the new students get more and more interesting with each passing year. To those who are unaware, I teach AP English 11- and my classes this year? Bloody brilliant.

With one minor exception... but when I requested to mention it in this _thing_, his twin brother actually threatened to poison my tea if I did, and I say, he's lucky I am so lenient or I would have gone straight to the principal!

However, I did manage to get permission from several other students to speak about them in this _thing_. One being a senior, Mathias, who is my co-producer in all of the plays we put on from theater club. Anyway, he seems to have developed a profound affection for a junior he saw in the hallway, I've never seen him smile brighter in my life (and trust me, that is odd because he is constantly smiling). He had come to see me after his second period English class to tell me how horribly my brother taught compared to me, when this short junior passed us whilst leaving my classroom. Mathias looked utterly lovestruck! Eventually I sent him on his way since it was impossible to get a word out of the boy anymore, but I expect he'll be around again tomorrow to ask for the junior's name.

There is also a boy named Vash in my junior class... and he appears to be smitten for (dare I say it?) ...Gilbert. I do not mean to inflate his ego even more, but since Vash gave me permission (albeit reluctantly... I believe he thinks this will give him extra credit), I would be a fool not to at least mention it. ..Though I will elaborate some, now that I am thinking about it.

Vash sits in the very back row of my classroom, and he is constantly looking out the window. I, of course, insulted by his lack of enthusiasm, asked him questions more frequently than others- he got every single one right! ...In any case, I did not see why I needed to keep him in my class if he already knew all about what I was saying, so when Gilbert came in looking for volunteers (I'm assuming he had a free period... not many people sign up for his course, this is how I separate people with common sense from people with none) to help him carry up a few dozen boxes of books for various teachers (aka Mr. Williams) I sent Vash to help, he looked capable enough.

When I turned to look at him, however, his eyes were as large as tea saucers and he was blushing crimson. Gilbert, of course, noticed nothing and before I could protest he had dragged the boy out of my room and out of my sight, probably eager to please poor Mr. Williams.

So Vash, if you are reading this, I do apologize for volunteering you. Lord knows what you were put through.

The last note-worthy student I was able to get permission from was Mr. Im Yong Soo's nephew, Kaoru. He is in my class this year, and has been friends with senior Sadiq Adnan for the past three years. It seems that Sadiq is spending less time with him, and according to inside sources (thank you, Mr. Braginski) this is because he is currently battling over another junior in my class (can't say any names) with a senior friend of his. Now, the interesting thing about this is- oh bollocks, someone is knocking on the door.

...It was Mr. Braginski. Uh, thank you for the flowers, if you are reading this, Mr. Braginski.

As I was saying, the interesting thing about this love triangle is that the normally stoic Kaoru actually looks a bit _jealous._ The frequent seething glares he sent toward the other junior were enough indication for me.

Well, this concludes this _thing. _I am off to go look up crumpet recipes (did you know you can do that on the Internet? It is so convenient!) while I wait for Mr. Jones to respond (since I know he will).

Oh, and by the way Mr. Yao, I saw you and Mr. Yong Soo earlier, and may I say that was highly inappropriate! ..Albeit vastly amusing.

Feel free to criticize.

_**Comments: **_

Ivan Braginski said:

I welcome you for the flowers, Arthur. And please to be calling me just 'Ivan,' 'Mr. Braginski' is sounding too formal.

Also, blogs are meant for to talk about your own self, da? If I am to get others to post other individual blogs on this site detailing their days, will you consider to talking more about you? You are, how you say, button cute.

Alfred F. Jones said:

YEAH! that's more like it!  
if you fill your blog with rumors and other cool stuff liek that, then it'll get way more popular! and people will ACTUALLY want to READ it!  
BUt who are those ppl, i wonder... i'll have to find out on my own, since im guess you wont tell me huh  
...u got flowerz from ivan? ivans been pretty friendly lately. thats good, i guesss...  
but he's right. You need to write more about yourself! not school! unless you're writing about interesting rumors and crushes and things like that  
EVERYOne will want to read then!  
(did ivan just say 'button cute'...)

Arthur Kirkland said:

Ah, sorry, Mr. Braginski... that is a bit too formal for my liking- my apologies.

...All right, I will talk more about myself, I guess... I am quite a boring person though. Also, not to be rude, but I believe the expression is 'cute as a button,' and I am not cute in any way, shape, or form!

Mr. Jones, my goal isn't to get people to actually read the blog, it is to maybe entertain a few people and keep the other teachers updated on our students' relations (since I know you gave the website address to most other teachers).

What, the people who read it? I believe Gilbert reads it, and then there's Mr. Braginski, Mr. Yao, Peter (for some reason), and possibly Mr. Yong Soo- why wouldn't I tell you?

Erm... yes he did give me flowers. It was very thoughtful of him.

Ivan Braginski said:

Oh, it is being perfectly alright, Arthur. But why, may I ask, are you calling Mr. Beilschmidt by his name that comes first?

Alfred F. Jones said:

hey, yeah...  
why do you call gil by his first name? EVEN I DON'T CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME!  
i just call him gil. because gil reminds me of fish gills, and he's a fish. alls limy and swimmin in the ocean.  
are u keeping something fro me? no, wait, i mean us. from your STUDENTS.  
I demand you tell us right now!

Arthur Kirkland said:

Erm... well, that is to say... Uh...

...I do not believe this is an appropriate topic of discussion!

Alfred F. Jones said:

I do believe this an appropriate topic of discussion!  
Now tell us!  
thats how seris ous i am! i used goodly language to prove it!  
now tell us or i'll... i'll throw out all your tea in the teacher's longue! i know where you hid it from me from!

-serious face-

Peter Kirkland said:

Yeah! Don't be a jerk, jerk!  
Tell us!  
[I was lurking this whole time. :D]

Arthur Kirkland said:

No! It is none of your business!

I will change the hiding place!

Peter, go do your homework!

Ivan Braginski said:

It is to be fine if you are not telling us, Arthur. Your business is your business, da? I do not wish to, how you say, sniff my nose in your business.

Peter Kirkland said:

You are SO uncool!

Alfred F. Jones said:

i'll still find it! don't think i wont!  
but fine, whatever, don'te tell us. ill get u to spill the beans eventually  
also, 'sniff my nose in your business'? LOLOL  
speaking of sniff, SMELL YA LATER lol

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

LOL, aww my fluffy wittle crumpet! Are you embarrassed about our relationship?

Ivan Braginski said:

What?

Alfred F. Jones said:

wat.  
wat kind of relationship do u and gil have!  
is that what youve been hididng!  
...everty thing makes sense now...

Arthur Kirkland said:

It is nothing! We do not HAVE a relationship!

Say one more word, Gilbert, and I bloody swear...

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

Aw, you don't have to be so shy about it! After all, you should be PROUD that you dated the AWESOME ME!

Alfred F. Jones said:

OHMYGODWHAT  
YOU AND HE  
YOU TWO... DATED  
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN  
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO DATED  
HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK OHMYGOD

Peter Kirkland said:

Haha! No way!  
Gross! Who was on bottom? It was jerk-face, right?  
I bet it was! Hahaha!

Arthur Kirkland said:

GILBERT. GET. OUT.

Peter, that is something you do NOT need to know.

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

He was on bottom! You think anyone could top me? PSH, I'M FAR TOO AWESOME.

Alfred F. Jones said:

...

...  
HAHAH OH WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS  
ARTHUR AND GIL DATED OH MAN  
HOW WOULD THAT EVEN HAPPEN? SERIOUSLY TELL ME  
R U SUR YOU 2 ARENT STILL DATEING?  
HAHAHAOHWOW  
oops srry my capslock was on

Arthur Kirkland said:

GILBERT!

Enough with the capital letters, Mr. Jones! Good lord! No, we are not still dating! He broke up with me around the time you and Mr. Williams arrived, I believe his exact words were, "sorry, Arthur, the totally awesome me has some Canadian ass to hunt down! Your Britishness is no match!"

...You would think that I would get a more dignified break-up line after six months...

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

Hey, you could have at least dignified my break-up line with eye contact, but I think you were too busy staring at Alfred's ass to notice, HAHA!

Alfred F. Jones said:

so now gil has the hots for my little bro?  
i guess thats nice, could be worse. gl, gil  
now that i think about it, if u 2 were dating so long, that does seem kinda assholeish to just dump you like that...  
Oh! but whats this about my ass? does artie like staring at it?  
Maybe I should wear some tight, skinny jeans from now on? hm? HMM? ;D

Arthur Kirkland said:

Wh-what? What in the bloody Hell are you talking about, Gilbert? I was doing no such thing! I never have, never will!

...Well, he is an arsehole...

My name is Arthur! Mr. Kirkland to you.

No. You should not.

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

HELL YEAH, ALFIE. I love me some maple syrup. Goes well with my awesomeness.

And yes, we've established how much of an ass I am, but it's hard to feel bad when the memory of Arty staring at Alfie's ass is still so fresh in my mind.

Alfred F. Jones said:

aw, come on now, artie  
if u were interested (wow big word) in me this hole tiem, u should have just said so!  
stop being so impersunal (another big word, my brain cramped) and call me alfred!  
also, you better bring a camera tomorrow fer skool because I WILL be wearing shortshorts, and then u can take all da piktures you want, so u can stare at my ass when im not around!  
3

Arthur Kirkland said:

What? I am interested in no one! Stop deluding yourself into thinking that I am, Mr. Jones!

...UGH. That is it, I am going to bed. You two have fun being complete wankers while I am not around, you are both very good at it.

Alfred F. Jones said:

oh ho ho, i bet you're going to 'wank it' to me when you get into bed tonight

sweet (wet) dreams, artie!

Gilbert Beilschmidt said:

HAHAHAHAHAHA WOW, ALFIE. YOU'RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

But Ima hafta hit the hay, too. See ya at school tomorrow, broski.

* * *

**ALOON:**

Only bad things can come from Prussia and America becoming best friends.

And ARTHUR AND GILBERT? WHAT! Yeah, I like PrussiaEngland. SUE ME.

_Emma- Ivan, Gilbert, Arthur_

_Joey- Alfred, Peter_

Unfortunately we had to do this without Naomi. Dunno where she is. ;c

Next chapter will probably be out either Saturday or Sunday, depending. Joey is working on a separate fic and school is keeping me real busy. PLUS NAOMI WON'T GET ON GRR.

Also, excuse my failing at Ivan and Gilbert. Good. Lord.

OH. Kaoru is Hong Kong, and Mathias is Denmark for those of you who didn't know.

VIVA LA VENTILADOR-FICCION. C wut I did?

**JOEY'S DERPS AND HERPS:**

THESE AREN'T MY GLASSES. THANK YOU.

(Rant says: ...WAT)


End file.
